1. How it usually happens
Many people only think about a will when something happens: a sudden illness, a delicate surgery, an important trip, a new relationship, birth of a child, separation, an already-ignited family conflict. Others get there out of a sense of responsibility: "I don't want to leave chaos", "I don't want them to fight", "I want what I intended to do to be known".
There is also the very common case of generational handover. A house full of objects, accounts, documents, memories, land, artwork, jewellery, work tools, collections, passwords, keys, bank books, photographs. To the owner, they are pieces of life; to those coming after, they can become a labyrinth with drawers looking like family escape rooms.
Then there are trickier scenarios: litigious families, broken relationships, second unions, children from different relationships, fragile people to protect, animals to entrust, goods shared with others, promises made over the years and never formalised. In these cases, preparing well also serves to reduce creative interpretations like: "he told me on a Sunday in 2009, near the tiramisu".
The important thing is not confusing preparation with the definitive will. The preliminary phase serves to clarify, gather materials, and secure working versions. For the final form, especially when there are estates, complex family relationships, or delicate wishes, it is essential to consult a qualified professional.
2. What you need to prove
In this phase you don't have to "prove" the will is valid. You must document the preparatory journey: what assets you considered, what documents existed, what drafts or notes you prepared, what intentions you then wanted to discuss with a professional.
It can be useful to prove:
- Existence of a draft or preparatory notes on a certain date
- Version of a list of goods, documents, keys, or valuables
- State and position of goods present in the house
- Existence of relevant communications with family or professionals
- Presence of practical instructions, for instance on pets, archives, passwords, or personal items
- Evolution of your decisions over time
- Difference between an initial draft and a later version
The point is to create an orderly trail of the work done before the professional meeting, without attributing to this trail a value belonging only to properly drawn-up deeds.
3. What to collect
Before writing detailed wishes, gather material helping understand the overall picture. Better a sober, complete folder than ten slips of paper scattered between kitchen, bedside table, and coat pocket.
- List of main assets: properties, accounts, vehicles, valuables, collections, professional tools
- Photos or video of goods present in the house, room by room
- Digital copies of asset documents, contracts, policies, important receipts
- List of keys, accesses, safes, cabinets, deposits, or places where documents are kept
- Drafts, notes, and preparatory versions of your wishes
- Communications with relatives, trusted people, or professionals
- Practical instructions on pets, sentimental goods, digital archives, passwords, and useful contacts
- Any reminders on donations already made, family loans, promises, or agreements to clarify
An often-underestimated detail: sentimental objects generate fiercer arguments than expensive assets. Grandma's tea set can spark more tension than a bank account, because it carries memory, jealousy, and unspoken words.
4. How to proceed
Start from the big picture, then go into details. The goal is to arrive at the professional with a readable map, not a suitcase full of mysterious papers.
Begin by making an inventory of assets and documents. Then separate what is financial from what is emotional or practical. Write your intentions simply, knowing they will then be verified and transformed into the correct form by those competent to do so.
- Create a dedicated digital folder
- Make a simple inventory of main assets
- Photograph or scan important documents
- Write a dated preparatory draft
- Keep previous versions without overwriting them
- Prepare a list of questions to bring to the professional
- Use ExistBefore to timestamp drafts, inventories, and preparatory documents
If the situation is delicate, avoid working under pressure or while someone pushes you to decide. A well-prepared will comes from clarity, time, and orderly information.
5. Mistakes to avoid
The most common mistakes stem from haste, embarrassment, or the desire to "do it yourself".
- Confusing a draft with a definitive will
- Writing ambiguous or overly generic wishes
- Forgetting digital assets, keys, archives, and accesses
- Not updating old drafts after separations, births, deaths, or asset changes
- Leaving important documents in random places
- Circulating different versions without indicating which is the newest
- Relying on verbal promises like "they will sort it out later"
- Using templates found online without professional verification
An important tip: if you fear pressure, conflicts, or future disputes, take great care with the timeline of versions and bring everything to a qualified professional as soon as possible. Free timestamping can help you secure drafts and preparatory materials in time, maintaining order before proper formalisation.
6. After documenting
After gathering everything, the next step is turning the preparatory material into a serious path.
Contact a notary or qualified professional in your country, explain the family context, and bring along inventory, drafts, documents, and questions. If there are fragile people, family conflicts, assets in multiple countries, businesses, shares, properties, or delicate situations, do not delay.
It can also be useful to inform a trusted person of the existence of the preparatory documents and involved professional, without necessarily sharing every detail. If the topic concerns health, frailty, or emergencies, also consider separate tools for practical instructions, delegations, medical contacts, pet management, and essential accesses.
Preparation serves a very concrete purpose: arriving at the formal moment with less chaos, less memory entrusted to drawers, and more reasoned decisions.